Bleeding

So I woke up this morning and I have got some bleeding. I have been having this on and off for a couple of weeks so I am trying to just not worry about it. But it does seem that full term is a LONG way off!!!!!

The decision to have another child was kind of a big one.... it has taken since Molly's birth in preparation and planning, which has been 21 months. We live in a rural town so there were discussions about whether we should go closer to family, closer to a bigger hospital as we would have to transfer if the baby is early anyway. Do we wait longer or do we do this at all.

I have 2 sisters and a brother and John has a sister and a brother and the thought of not at least trying to give Molly that was something that we could not do. In saying that now that I am pregnant there were times when I thought is this really worth it??? I know it sounds really bad when you have a growing baby in your belly to have those thoughts but I wonder am I really one of those women that have huge troubles having children?? My sisters and mother had no dramas so I just thought that I would be the same. But so far the evidence is mounting that I am not a person that is destined to have easy pregnancies. This will be the last FOR SURE.

When Molly was born I had all the guilt that I was not a good woman as I could not hold onto my baby; that I had somehow failed. It was though some good old counseling that became settled with the idea that I am ok. It was not me that was at fault. Now that I am having some more bleeding I am not that sure!!!

Anyway we will see what happens. One day at a time ah and at the moment it is one moment at a time!!!!