The word is out and aspirin is in.

John put the link to here on facebook last night and so there are a few more people who are aware of this now.... it can no longer be my dear diary on the public space that anyone can read..... might have to tone down the future blogs about the parents in law... just kidding.

Things were getting a bit out of control in my head over the last couple of weeks. It is amazing how you can think that you have it sorted until someone actually says " no you don't have it sorted, in fact you are quite screwed up" -in the nicest possible way.

Which is what my friends did today. And I needed it. I was getting myself so worked up about whether to take aspirin or not that I did not recognize that my emotions had totally got on top of me. I was going on about 17 %'s (potential benefit of taking aspirin when have history of hellp) and inter-cranial bleeding to anyone that would listen. I even said to John this morning that my thinking is circling and I cannot get off the merry go round. But instead of thinking " what does this mean" I kept on, till my mates said " sort it out lady" and thank goodness that they did.

I think that I came to terms with the fact that I will never have what I consider a perfect pregnancy... in fact I am sure that there is no such thing but that this myth is a societal myth circulated to keep women getting back in the ring. There will always be a medical component to my pregnancy and I have to let that happen, as if I had not done that last time then Molly and I would be dead. Simple.

This pregnancy cannot right what was so traumatic about Molly's birth and this is something that I really have to come to terms with.

Anyway I will leave it at that.

Thoughts are going out to parents in the neonate units.