Saying goodbye to my counsellor

As the title says I am about to say goodbye to my counsellor and I am a bit worried about it.

I have been seeing her for about 9 months now and she has been a lifeline. She is about to have a baby ( I think that she is about 36 weeks now so how on earth she is still at work is beyond me) and she thinks that I will be ok to fly solo and has not referred me to see anyone else- she has given me names just incase but thinks that I will be ok.

I am not so sure.

We have done quite a lot of work about trusting that things will be ok.... and I get that it will be but it is the lead up that I am worried about. When you are in the midst of crisis then you cannot think sideways as you just have to be there at that time. You have no choice. It is anticipating the crisis and the aftermath that can be the bit that does your head in. Well that was how it is for me.

I know that if we had another preterm baby that we would just get on and do it. My mother is going to come over and if the baby is early enough then there may need to be a relocation to Adelaide as it is the nearest hospital with a good neonatal unit. I think that I am worried about how I will go after things settle down or when we get home.

Molly was such a full on baby. Not that I think that they are ever easy but she screamed for 2 weeks as she had hernias, then would not sleep longer than 20 minutes during the day and 2 hours at night and then feed ALL the time. This is the bit that I worry about as with Molly this is the bit where I felt that I really fell apart. I know that every baby is different and that we might get a sleeper ( ALL fingers crossed) but I feel that we have to prepare that we may not....hold onto your horses and see what we get. It is always going to be different as we have Molly. It is hard imagining what it is going to be like when all I have as a term of reference is chaos and nightmares.

Anyway back to my counsellor. She is going and I am really sad about this. She was a really strong person in my life that helped me sort out stuff and I know that it is normal to be a bit nervous about this. I suppose that I was thinking before we got pregnant that I would use her as a major support and damn her she ruined my plans and went and got on with her life ( as she should). Whilst there will be a bit of adjustment I suppose that I have to trust that it will be ok. Bloody scary thing the old trust. Tis like leaping off a building!!!!

I was reading some preterm mothers blogs a while back when I was looking for research on aspirin and I thought that I was slightly more relaxed than some women were. I think that a lot of them were American based and so were used to seeing the dr and got slightly upset about not seeing the dr all the time. But I cannot blame them. It is the system that they know and I understand about the heightened anxiety that is around with a second pregnancy after a preterm. As a friend said, try not letting it consume you... and this is what I try and do every day.

Thoughts going out to all parents on the preterm road.