So I am on a bit of a high. A bp reading at 31 weeks of 110/70. This is close to what I get when I am not pregnant. I never thought that this would happen. I am not sure what has happened to my head but it seems pretty clear. The chances of having this baby in a week are small if that. Then we are in unchartered territory. What will it feel like to be 35 weeks pregnant? I have no idea!!!!! Good I suspect.

I suppose that I have just let go a few things as well. I have no control over what is going to happen. If the baby comes early then there is nothing that I can do to stop that BUT I can have control over how it effects me... in a way. This comes back to old stuff having an effect on what is happening now but I feel that we are heading to very familiar territory once we hit 32 weeks. It cannot be a shock as it was with Molly. I am more prepared and I think that the baby is stronger so that if it does come early then the chances of complications are less. It is not like at 23 weeks. Touch and go. And not to say that there won't be a curve ball but the chances are lower and I am liking the good odds. And curve balls are just life I suppose.

I am not sure how I got my head in a better space. Went and had a massage and came out feeling like a different woman. Had gone in feeling like the world was about to end and my thoughts were in a real tumble but now seems ok. At the moment I am only speaking for today. Who knows what will happen tomorrow. And I have to expect that there are good and bad days. That is normal.

The one thing that is making me slightly sad as I head to 32 weeks is that I could not give Molly longer in utero. She had such a hard start and I know that this is her journey but it does make me feel sad. All the things that she had to go through.... man she has shown me strength!!!!!

Anyway thoughts to neonatal and high risk pregnancy peoples.