So after writing that I was all zen and that I was not going to worry about what was going to happen with this pregnancy, I promptly went off and started to worry. In fact I got myself all worked up. It was one of those occasions when it just seemed to get out of my grasp.
I went and borrowed a bp cuff from my friend and was measuring my bp constantly for a bit and then worrying when the numbers came back the same. I got really fixated on the numbers....
I am sure that if this was happening to a friend of mine when I would be saying whoa back girl. It is all looking pretty good. But I could not step back from myself and do this.
The negative and the positive parts of my brain were really going for it. I would try and think positively and then whammo there would be a negative thought come in and I would be off again. I don't think that there seemed to be a point to the worry and so I asked myself many times.... WHAT IS GOING ON HERE??
And then I started to try and look at things that were good in my life so that every time I thought of something negative, I would think of something good. It might be that the trees look pretty, that Molly is totally cool, that I have the perfect husband and slowly the positive took over.
I also thought that there are aspects that I need to get control over so that if I am in a situation where I feel that I have no control then I have control over the bits that I can. I cannot control if I have a prem but I can be more involved and have control over other aspects of my care than I was with Molly. Namely the first 24 hours post birth. So I have written a plan that I will print out and keep in my wallet so that if the worst should occur then I know I have thought about the stuff that I want to happen and can just give the paper to the carers. Then I feel like I have got some control in a situation that I have no control over.
Sorted.
I have been following a woman's blog that had hellp at 28 weeks with her first child and she is about to have her second child. I am SO excited for her. I do not even know her and will probably never meet her but it is SO amazing to see someone go on and have a term baby, especially when she had hellp worse than me. YEAH!!!! I felt like jumping up and down and the thought that she had made it. Hopefully it will be us next!!!!
Take care
xx
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
You will be next! And dont worry about the freakouts. I had many.
ReplyDeleteMy perinatologist made me feel better by telling me that these little anxiety attacks and moments of freaking out will NOT cause preeclampsia. That was in a way a relief. I felt like I was allowed time now and then to panic and work my way through it. Good luck,
Tiffany (anonpreemiemom)
checking the numbers always made it worse for me, because I'd get a bad number, then recheck, and recheck and recheck:)
ReplyDeleteOur first baby was born (emergency c section) after I started seizing. I had Eclampsia, and maybe HELLP-not sure about the hellp, I'm waiting to get my records in so I can check.
I was able to carry our send little on all the way to 35 weeks and 6 days, only had mild pe at 32 weeks, and then moderate right before delivery (c-section)
Hope your feeling better!
Jenny