I AM OVER IT.
I NEVER thought that I would ever say that I am sick of being pregnant as I wanted to be pregnant again SO much after Molly was born. I told myself off for not being thankful for every day that I was pregnant with her. With this pregnancy I have tried to be in to it but it has been really hard. Not to worry at the slightest thing that I might be feeling. Not to get worried every time that I went for a check up. Not looking at every pregnant woman that was not high risk and wishing that was me. Not looking at women that got to term and wondering if that would be me.... and look I have made it.
And now I want it to be over. I am sick of the worry about what may happen next and I want to meet them.... pink or blue. John reckons pink, I reckon blue.
But then it is not up to me. They will come when they come and when they are here I will be wishing for the calm before the storm again. I imagine that it is going to be quite an adjustment with 2 kids. Man I can hardly manage with 1!!
But as it gets closer to having the baby I suppose I have been thinking about our family and the changes that are about to be made. Even though Molly is 2.5 I wonder what kind of parent do I want to be and how is this going to change as she gets older.
I have been thinking a lot about my family. What they mean to me and how I sit in the family dynamic. I love my family but forever I think that I have always seen them through the "youngest of the family" eyes. They could do no wrong which is not fair to them or to me. I am not sure that this makes sense. I have ALWAYS looked up to my siblings and I suppose now I am just getting it that we are just equal. That they have their opinions just as I have mine and that does not make either right or wrong. Older siblings are pretty good at giving advice (even when it is not needed or warranted) and I suppose I have always wanted to get that from them. I suppose that parenthood really makes you realize that you can step away from this and that as a consequence this changes family relationships. I totally love my family, I suppose there is some adjustment going on in my head as I prepare to firmly establish my new family.
I am not sure what kind of parent I will be to Molly and the new one. Only time will tell. I hope that I will show them enough love and support that they feel that the world is a safe place. And I hope that I grow with them as a parent as there is nothing worse than a parent that is trying to parent an adult that does not need to be parented in that way. Helicopter parents as my friend would say. I am trying to let Molly discover the world for herself in a safe way at the moment.
Anyway I hope that next time I get on this thing there is a baby in my arms but I am not sure. Maybe it is a girl as they are making me wait.... I am so not good at patience!!!!
Went and saw Lauren this morning. BP a bit high but ok. Pee fine and baby's head engaged. YIPEE.
Thoughts of Cate and high risk women.
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