TIme is ticking on.

I have been a bit slack and have not been on here for a bit. I am quite good and not looking at things when I am a bit overwhelmed.
The good news is that we are 37 weeks on Monday. WOWOWOWOWOW. I really never thought that we would get to this stage and it seems to have been a cruise.
There were people that have said that " I am sure that this one will go fine" "it will be different this time" and unfortunately for me, this is the worst thing that people can say to a woman having a high risk pregnancy. I understand that people want to comfort and are not sure what to say and feel that they have to say something but I don't know and neither do they that it will be different. What if it isn't. There is so much rumination and anxiety with high risk pregnancies that you do not dream even for a second that it could be ok as what if it is not. Protective measures really.
My Cate said to be once that this is not a high risk pregnancy as if you look at my symptoms they are all pointing to everything going well. At the time I did not believe her but I do now. My high risk pregnancy was Molly.
Now I just have the normal worries like what is the baby going to be like (please sleep more than Molly) and what is the birth going to be like. I really want to have a natural birth but I have to be careful not to set myself up for disappointment like with Molly. I have to have some level of control what ever happens which is the main thing that I felt I had none of when Molly was born.
My thinking has been pretty bad this week.  I am wanting to get things sorted and it is hard when there are things that cannot be put in little boxes.... namely why is it that Cate died. Her twins were 1 on Thursday so that was a hard day. It is all so senseless.
Plus we are a little unsettled as John is looking for new jobs. He is away this weekend at an interview. Fingers crossed as it seems like a pretty good area. Trust us to do things pretty full on. The baby will be born and we will be moving if he gets it. AAAAHHH. Oh well. I think that there is a part of me that likes the chaos.
Anyway was feeling pretty crappy at the beginning of the week so went and saw Lauren. The stats were AMAZING. Bp 90/50. At first I though that she said 190/150 until it sunk in. It is flipping around as the previous week it was 138/90. Oh well.
This time next week we may have a baby. Yikes that is scary. Better get a car seat and get the clothes out. To this point I have been too scared to.
Thinking of you Cate. xx