One of the feedback was that there are good health professionals out there. This seems like an obvious statement but for me it was really hard to see until a friend pointed it out to me.
When we were going through all the stuff with Molly it was really hard to see the good. I looked to the bad and to the bad comments, like "change of plans, you have to have your baby now" "it is very dangerous to co sleep" " are you sure you are winding her properly?" and I think that it allowed me to validate how I felt about the situation. I have always thought of the good people that were in our corner but they have always been second to the comments to perpetuated how I felt about the whole situation.
But when my friend said that there are good people out there it made me think I have been seeing my experiences through the bad, not the good. Having Molly early was bad. It is not what I ever wanted and it had been so hard, but there is SO much good. Molly for a start it amazing. How she has handled all this is with strength and courage. John is amazing. The fact that we found the best midwife in town. That all the players played their parts when they needed to. I remember one of the nurses in the neonate unit who was so amazing. Nothing was a problem, and every was gorgeous.
I think about how I am getting myself geared to heading into this new adventure and think of how I am tightening my stomach as I head to the maternity unit thinking of deflecting the blows that are about to come my way. When in fact I am bracing myself to listen for the statements that validate how I feel about the situation... which is traumatized and scared.
Last week was pretty hard. I had to get it sorted and decide about the aspirin and be ok with that. Now that I am taking the aspirin I do not even really think about it. I can see the edge of falling back into chaos again. I suppose it will always be there whilst I am pregnant and I am sure that there will be times that I will fall back. I suppose this is why I am so lucky that life have given me people in my life that can help get me back.
So chur bro to all the good health professionals. You know who you are. And I will make a big effort to look for the good and not just dodge the blows.
Thinking of all the parents with neonate babies.
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