Temperatures

Molly was a bit sick the other day and she had some pretty wicked temperatures. It freaks me out when she gets a temperature as she had a febrile seizure last year when she had a nasty ear infection. So when she had 39.3 the other day all I could think was that she was going to have another one. 

I had worked with people with epilepsy before so I was well aware of what you do when someone is having a seizure; namely put them in the recovery position, make sure that there is nothing close to them, look at the clock and then go and put the jug on. They were so common where I worked that it was a non event. Then when Molly had one, it totally broke all the rules. I felt so helpless. I just wanted it to stop and my logical brain went completely out the window for at least a few VERY long seconds until I got a grip and then thought what needed to happen. Namely keep her where she was ( she was in her car seat), get John and then head to the ed to see why this was happening.

So when the temps kept on coming the other night, I freaked out. John is a legend and keeps his cool under the most amazing pressure (although there are some times where is blood pressure tells another story). I was flapping round around where John just thought she should go to sleep and we will reassess in the morning. Which is what we did and it will all cool.

I think that one of the hardest parts of PTSD is that you immediately go for the worst possible scenario.  Molly is going to get sick. The next baby is going to get sick and it is trying to find the way to keep the emotions out of what is going on. I think that when things really happen there is such a huge amount of adrenaline pumping that it find of makes your feet stay on the ground. No adrenaline, no grounding. I am not sure if that is right and there are so many other things that effect the way that I deal with stuff.... fatigue namely and we are all pretty tired at the moment. 

It reminds me of the bigger picture with this pregnancy. Here I am at times flapping around wondering what is going to happen ( and I am sure that this is partly personality as I am not that patient at the best of times) and getting anxious just like I was with Molly and her temperatures. When all I need to do is take a step back and think that it is not about what happens in the future, at the moment all is well. Molly was sick and she had a high temp and she did not have a seizure despite all the worry that I did. And I felt a bit silly worrying about it afterwards. It totally could be the same with this pregnancy. I could flap and worry and get anxious and make my family life pretty hard and it might turn out ok. 

Head spaces. Man they are tough work. And changing long term entrenched thinking. Some times it is so easy to just go with what you know. It really does take such a lot of effort to change.

So better go and get the girl who is hanging with her mate.

Thoughts heading out to all the neonatal parents and their babies.