I have managed to take a BIG chill pill and I feel a whole lot better. It is amazing how emotions can get the better of you and how you need to reign them in. I find that when you had had such a huge traumatic event it is hard not to let things get the better of you.
When I had Molly there was NO way that I was even thinking that I would have a preterm baby. I set myself up amazingly, through no fault of my own. I thought that I would have the perfect birth and it would all be amazing. I had seen my sisters with their kids and it did not look that hard. And the thing that they did that I did not think was right, easily fixed... I would just not do it. My life would go on as normal and the baby would just fit around the edges. O how wrong could I have been. We could have had life as normal if that included a screaming baby going along with us!!
I find it hard at times to assimilate the thoughts that I have about this pregnancy. I have learnt to try and not hold onto the emotions from the past. The memories at there but hopefully some of the emotions have gone. But with this pregnancy it is hard not to have a few residual emotions kicking off... what if it happens again? I hardly coped last time, how will I cope if it happens again? what if it does not happen... am I going to spend 8 months worrying about what may not happen?
These thoughts were so prominent last week and I think that this is why my BP was up. So I made the choice that this was not going to be the way that I went on and with the help of my husband, my counsellor, my sister and my mate I made the choice not to go down that route of constant worry. Easy said that done but I had to make that choice.
Anyway better get to breakfast before it is lunch time.
As always I end thinking of the parents who are in the neonate units. Hang in there.
No comments:
Post a Comment