Swelling

So I am having some swelling and surprisingly enough it is in my hands. I am FREAKING out and it is hard to get a handle on the emotions. I think that it is going to be one of those days where the tears are free flowing.
I put a blog on the preeclampsia foundation website and there have been some lovely women reply that they also find themselves looking for swelling. I suppose that it is just what you do when you have had a full on experience in pregnancy... you look for things that may give you the heads up that something is going wrong.
I think that it kind of freaked me out as I always thought that we would make it to 32 weeks and today that seems like it might be a stretch. It is so hard and I am getting a bit worn down by it all. I just wish that it was over which is a shame as this will be the last time that I will be pregnant and I feel that I have not been able to enjoy either. I know that it is a mindset but it is really hard to pick myself up at the moment.
John's mother is arriving tomorrow which will be good. It means that I can rest more, put my feet up and sleep in. Bliss!!!! I just have to stop my thoughts from getting on top of me.
I went to the shopping mall and I saw a few people with 3 kids and I thought it was kind of sad as I feel that we do not have the choice to have 3. There is no bloody way that I am going through this again even if we make it to term. At least we have one beautiful child and one that is on the way. Some people are not that lucky.
I also saw my old counsellor and used every inch of strength not to say "can we have a session now" despite you just having given birth and probably being sleep deprived from having a new born. It is just not always about me I suppose.
Anyway I will go and survive through the day and get to tomorrow to see what my bp is doing. My poor midwife. I have a page of questions to ask her.... We might be there for a while!!!!
xxxx